| | Happy birthday to me! I think I'm officially procrastinating on party prep. Wish me luck! | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | End of an era? Twist in my sobriety? Only time will tell. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I suck at updating. It's probably not a bad thing at the moment. I've been terribly whiny in my head, and I'd hate to up the angst factor of livejournal. :)
Seriously though. Weird stuff happens to me, and I wish I were better about keeping records of it. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Yeah, sorry about the extended absence. I have a tendency to mentally compose journal entries that I never actually post. Now I forget exactly what I've been up to for the past two months. I went sailing with my new neighbors. It was really fun - right up until I ended up getting massively seasick and hurling all over the place a good ten times or so. The other girl started things off, and I found myself wondering why she was so affected by the whole thing when the rest of us were fine, and all of a sudden found myself diving for the edge of the boat in perfect synchronization with the neighbor who was NOT a sailing instructor. So of the four of us that went, three of us spent a significant chunk of time contributing to the pollution of Lake Erie. And it still didn't ruin the trip. The first five times or so I was sick, I'd start laughing right afterwards, just because the whole thing was so absurd. Once we made it back to shore, the guys decided they were going to eat and try again. The other girl and I ended up hanging out and bonding for hours. It ended up being a really good weekend. Oh, and the house I stayed in was AMAZING. Seriously, one of the only times in my life where I was perfectly content to spend an extra night away from my own bed.
I went camping. It was reasonably fun, but...I still don't get it. Okay, you get to hang out and drink. And people like to play with fire. But then you spend the night in the woods with bugs and hot or cold and humid and bugs and uncomfortable ground. Why? Did I mention I have an amazing bed? Man, I love sleeping in my bed.
Work's been sort of drama. They finally unveiled their new compensation program, which I thought was such a good idea when they first announced they were doing it. It is utter shit. They basically announced they were underpaying us, and tried to give crappy justification as to why that was okay. Then they were shocked that people were angry about it. The one nice thing about the previous system was that, even though your starting pay was comparatively bad, the raises were pretty ridiculously sweet. Now they don't even have that going for them, based on two of my team that had their reviews just after the great unveiling. I think percentage-wise, it's not even possible to get half the raise that I got when I had my review. Ouch.
I applied for an assistant manager position that opened up in another department. I'm completely pessimistic about my chances, but I just want to throw in a little reminder that they did promise to find me something else to do. Mostly, though, I know I just need to look elsewhere. I'm just reluctant to start over at yet another job if I don't have any real idea of what I'd LIKE to be doing.
I saw my family this weekend for my mom's birthday. My brother was fired from his job right around the time I was moving to my new place. He finally got something new. Now, it's a temp job, so he might only have it for three months. But if they keep him on, he's got himself a $10,000 raise for being fired. I seem to remember being told on occasion that life isn't fair.
I did something stupid on purpose. And sure enough, I feel a little stupid about it. I figured it would be okay for awhile, and would end a particular way, and I'd be hurt. So I ended up backing out of the whole thing. It was kind of early I guess, but it would have been inevitable at some point anyway. And then I basically got disrespected in my own house. Sometimes it's hard to tell if people are stupid, naive, careless, or cruel. It's strange. I'm not really hurt, even though the end result is kind of worse than I thought it would be.
But I'm not especially okay, either. I've had an ugly mix of hormones, stresses, boredom, disappointment, etc. I've had a few random waves of freaked out-ness where I stress out to the point that I actually get a little dizzy. I think I almost passed out at work a week or two ago. I tried to be constructive about it this weekend. I tried to channel some of my random edgy energy into cleaning our bathroom (which unfortunately hadn't improved significantly on the ick scale since we moved in). When that didn't cut it, I decided to see if I could walk my out-of-shape self the five miles to work and back. I can. But then I still woke up at 3:30 in the morning, stressing over whether I should just disappear for awhile, or come clean with a few people who may be pretty hurt by what I haven't said and/or yell at people for using me.
Oh, if I couldn't be angsty in my livejournal, what would I do?
On a happier note, my mom and I are looking at taking a trip to Costa Rica. Hopefully very soon. Escape, change, travel, what's not to love?
I just randomly remembered how in high school, when my friends and I would pass notes, you had to put a quote on the outside, even if it was something random you overheard or whatever. "Oh, to be young and innovative." -Matt Curry, in response to learning what a "prat" is.
I should sleep more. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Moving was a minor disaster, but we got through it. We went to move some boxes and stuff on Sunday, only to discover that the old tenant still hadn't moved all his stuff out yet, the painting was barely started, the carpets weren't cleaned, and most everything was still pretty flipping dirty. We moved a few things in, painted my bedroom ourselves, almost started on the bathroom, realized the walls were covered with hair, and decided we were going to go back to Gahanna to pack more. Monday, we learned that Sarah's friend, who was supposed to move us, had some sort of mix-up, and was still willing to help, but didn't have a truck available. Sarah was only scheduled to take a half day off work, so she called me, leaving me to find something to put our stuff in. I had no phone book, and my computer had already been packed, so I was kind of screwed. I ended up calling my dad to get the numbers for local U-Haul places. The first one I tried forwarded to some guy named Greg, who wasn't sure why he kept getting calls for the rental place. The second said it was disconnected. At this point, I decided to just show up at the first place, let them know they should stop routing their calls to Greg, and just rent the damn truck. I show up. They don't rent trucks, why would I think that? *sigh* I drove further down the street to the place with the disconnected number, waited in line for half an eternity, and get the truck. I was feeling brave and stupid, and decided to drive it to the apartment. Those were ten of the most terrifying minutes of my life. I turned out into the middle of the (very busy) street, and realized that the mirrors weren't set up right, and I couldn't see behind me at ALL. I had to pull off on a side street to work it out. I made it the rest of the way without any major incident, but it just randomly freaked me out. My friend's husband and I pretty much single-handedly moved the entire apartment into the truck. He left shortly after that. Sarah finished work and came over, and my parents showed up, which was good, because I was not about to drive that truck again if it could possibly be helped. Moving in was mostly not too bad, except I got all kinds of delirious and cracked out. Dave came over and helped (thanks super big lots!!!). Jed and Ryan came over and drank free beer. Losers. Anyway, so we've been doing all kinds of cleaning and unpacking. I have sustained more minor injuries in the past week than any time in recent memory. I have random bruises all over my legs, a cut in my forearm from where a humidifier fell out of the closet onto me, and a gash in my hand from one of Sarah's wine glasses shattering in my hand as I was washing it. Good times.
Independence Day was a lot of fun. Dave and Jed had a party in their office downtown for Red, White, and Boom. The view was amazing. It was high enough up that we could see most of the stuff happening down by the river, even. My excitement was probably helped considerably by the fact that I both love fireworks and was rather tipsy. On the actual 4th, they had a cookout consisting of a lot of yummy food that I'd mostly never heard of before that made my tummy all kinds of angry later, mostly because it was kind of spicy, and because I ate about double my body weight. Apparently that's bad.
My parents came over again yesterday, and got to tour my new office. My mom did a reasonably good job of embarrassing me in front of one of the partners. She came back here and planted some flowers, and we went to dinner, and I once again ate way too freaking much. I've put on like five pounds in the past week, it's a little ridiculous! Anyway, I was supposed to go out last night, but ended up just hanging out and meeting some neighbors, who seem very cool.
Today I started out really motivated to get a lot of stuff done, but the mood has kind of passed. Now I'm just kind of in that limbo state, where I want to be alone but can't, and kind of want to call someone to hang out, but don't, not tired enough to sleep, not energetic enough to move. So instead I'm ruminating, which is generally a bad thing. Part of me wants to talk to someone. Part of me has noticed that when people know things, they try to help, and when they try to help, they ruin the little bit of good that might have been there.
I've been feeling kind of lost lately. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Oh, the strange modern world...one can spend a five hour stretch catching up with an old friend in person, but not learn one of the most interesting bits of news without checking their myspace profile. Hmm.
Unrelated note - I am bad at packing, and good at procrastinating. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Not to jinx myself, but maybe everything really will work itself out. *knock on wood and whatever other superstitious stuff applies* I've just been all kinds of stressed about moving and boys and money and randomness. I just needed a really good day. So then there was the day of good news, and free lunch AND dinner, and knowing a good secret. And then somebody asked a question, which was a perfectly reasonable question, and I was back to low-grade panic.
I was sort of weird with someone. I don't think I need to apologize. But I kind of wish I could explain. I'm sure it seemed like I was reacting to events that are going to happen in the very near future. While that didn't help, part of it is just the way I am, and the other part of it is a reaction to what I'm sure would happen in a couple of months. Maybe I'm overreacting, and he never gave it a second thought, and bringing it up would just be massively awkward. Still. It makes me feel like I never say anything real anymore.
That was cryptic. Sorry.
I was contacted by all of the Big Three in a one week period. Separately, it would have been nice. The combo deal kind of stirred up some paranoid "What do you all want with me?"
Mike is back Wednesday. His mom is coming down to pick him up after all, but it going to stay at his sister's place Wednesday night so we can hang out for a bit. That's a nice little win-win, since I'll get to see him, but not have to figure out how I'm going to get him to Cleveland on a school night and/or what to do with him for two days until the weekend.
And the roommate insists that the moving situation should be pretty well covered. She doesn't think the guy is really going to charge us at all (though obviously we'd at least have to pay for gas or whatever), and her boyfriend, while out of town, apparently has some friends that are going to pitch in, so I theoretically don't even need to recruit my friends to help (which is great, since making people take off work to move my crap is really above and beyond what I'm comfortable asking people to do). And someone from work just moved recently, and said I can have all his boxes. If that all goes (relatively) smoothly, it will be like Christmas! I still need to start packing though. Bleh.
Today at work, I screamed and threw a stack of affidavits on the ground, stomped on them, yelled at my boss, and stormed off for home. It amazes me what I can get away with sometimes. Seriously though, how did a huge stack of them materialize right at the end of the day just to ruin my small sense of accomplishment at having finished them? And there were more in the 6:00 stack than I'd done the whole stupid day. Good times for tomorrow.
Oh, and I got ridiculously drunk this weekend. I've only been that bad maybe two other times. High/low points: 1) I talked about my breasts in front of one of the partners (while still sober) 2) Realized that if I had any more to drink, I wouldn't be able to drive. And then kept going. 3) Drunk dialed quite a few people 4) Traded a free drink courtesy of the firm for a ride to Comfest 5) I yelled "Woo! Spring break!" A lot. 6) My cohort and I were Those Girls at Comfest. Much with the "Let's sit. RIGHT HERE!" and the giggling and the screaming at the beer tents, because I knew someone who was theoretically working at one of them somewhere. Yeah. 7) Lots of drunk dialing. I blame Beth for that one. I am not typically a drunk dialer. Drunk texting? Oh yes. 8) Found someone to come babysit us. 9) Left babysitter for another drunken group. 9) Sooooo many gay boys. It was noted that I attract creepy gay guys just as efficiently as I attract creepy straight guys. At least gay guys are slightly better about moving on when a girl's friends keep pulling her away from them. 10) The obligatory straight guy at the gay bar. Please, by all means, if you want to wear sunglasses in a dark club, taking them off will not change your appreciation of my cuteness, nor make me any more likely to ditch my friend for you. No, no love, you can let go of my arm now.
Crap, I should go to bed. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| os·cil·late [os-uh-leyt] verb, -lat·ed, -lat·ing.
to vary or vacillate between differing beliefs, opinions, conditions, etc.: He oscillates regularly between elation and despair. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Zzzzzz | | Time: | 09:52 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/ford/sydnicons/Okay.gif) lethargic |
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| Today was like every other day for the past however many weeks, only it sucked worse. Really, nothing happened. I turn into a little ball of ick when I'm overtired. (Thank you Twisted Nerve pudding alert and diesel engine, for your respective disruptions of my REM or stage 4 or whatever was happening last night that I wish had been allowed to continue uninterrupted). When I say I turn into a little ball of ick, I mean I literally curled into a little ball under a coworker's desk at one point after receiving an email that I didn't particularly feel like dealing with. Reminds me of college, when I used to hide under Zac's furniture on a shockingly regular basis. Which, in hindsight, probably had something to do with the fact that my "sleep" for years was a series of low-quality catnaps, doled out to myself as rewards for finishing a section of a chapter of a book for biology or something.
I feel a little bad about myself right now. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I was just feeling bad about my lack of updating...when I realized it had only been a week. Not even an eventful week, but hey, I might as well write while the mood strikes. I think the difference this week is that, not only have I not updated, I wasn't quietly been reading up on anybody else's stuff. Anyway.
I was over an hour late to work one day last week. Not because I overslept or had some sort of crisis or traffic or whatever. I just didn't feel like going in yet. I thought about calling off entirely, but we were going out that night after work, and I didn't want to miss that part. I texted my assistant manager a bit before I came in, and one of my work friends texted me as I was driving in to make sure I was okay. But nobody else really said anything to me. I was rather hoping they would. I was feeling all impetuous and wanted to tell them I'd forgotten it was Wednesday, and refuse to explain further. I'm not sure if I should take that as "I'm unimportant, and no one misses me when I'm gone" or "I'm intimidating, and no one wanted to point out that perhaps I should come in at a reasonable hour in the future."
It's strange to like someone, but like yourself a little less when you talk to them. It reminds me of the way someone described an old coworker, "She's nice enough, but all her stories seem to be about how pretty she is." I blabber on vainly, and somehow feel worse about myself when he agrees, and god forbid he brings it up spontaneously. Additionally, I realize that him saying he's "nesting" is the karmic retribution for my little stories about what a fabulous little collection of lips and legs and hair and skin and breasts and brains and feet and whatever I might be. But it's still enough to make a girl want to crawl back under the covers and hide there until she finds a way to shut down her brain. *sigh*
Dinner was made for me. No cot in the kitchen (yet!), but still. I was happy.
For the forensic examiner: While dinner was being made, I ran to UDF to get some orange juice. While at UDF, this guy picked up and dropped one of those displays of cigarette lighters. Naturally, I started laughing, because dumbass had strewn a bunch of lighters all over the floor. It wasn't mean laughing, and I stopped and helped pick the lighters up. The guy says the following things to me, in this order, no filler: "You don't have to do that, I'll get them. This girl has a great sense of humor. *notices my flipflops, and their contents* I could tickle your feet. Can I tickle your feet?" Abrupt shift from pleasant laughter to uncomfortable forced smile. "You COULD..." with an implied "but then I'd use them to kick the crap out of you." Then he went off on a whole thing about he was a reflexology expert and hadn't I ever had that done and I should definitely try it out. I silently pleaded with UDF counter lady to ring up that OJ just a little faster. I made it out safely, and so far I haven't felt as though someone has come and clipped my toenails in my sleep though, so there's that. One incident closer to a collection of my comely body parts ending up in that freezer in somebody's basement.
Spent Saturday morning wandering about downtown with a friend. It was fun in theory, but it was hot and I was tired and I was fucking hemorrhaging. It's enough to make a girl miss the pill, at least until she starts thinking about migraines and morning sickness. I drove to Dayton that evening to see my parents and brother and his wife for father's day dinner. Sweet Jesus, I was in a Bad Mood. It just took me forever to get ready, and they were meeting at a restaurant that was even farther west than normal (and therefore took me like an hour and a half to reach), I drove a good 60+ miles with my gas light on, I showed up about an hour late, which was still much earlier than I usually eat dinner, and all the while I was mentally screaming at my parents about how I know I chose to move away, but I'm about sick of nobody having any consideration as to whether something may or may not be convenient for me. I mean, it's cool to have father's day someplace more convenient for, say, my father. But given that it immediately followed the incident of "Can't you drive an hour over here to water the plants while we're in Italy? We asked your brother to mow the lawn, but his wife says that he doesn't mow THEIR lawn. So we're hiring someone for the grass while we're gone, and your brother is off the hook entirely. But instead of him driving twenty minutes to water, we'd like you to drive an hour to do it." Um, that's crap. I don't know. I feel like I've been spending a lot of time on the verge of snapping at someone lately. And I'm starting to get that thing where my shoulders are tense enough that I get random three second headaches that hurt like a mini-migraine.
I think after the move, I'm going to start yoga again. Or try valium.
I kind of have a secret. It's mostly only interesting because it's a secret. And it's not really even real enough to tell it as a story. But, for now, I like it. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Things have been rather dull lately. We had some work drama a few weeks back. The girl that sits next to me accidentally changed something in the system, so it said something like "Sigh, I wish we could stay in your bed and make out all day." And somebody else made a document and apparently didn't proofread at all, and sent it to court like that. So it wasn't entirely her fault, but they were going to fire her anyway. I ended up throwing a fit, because I really like her, and other than this one thing, she's been really good. It just pissed me off, because my boss wasn't going to do anything. She just kept saying it was all up to HR. I finally ended up going into her office and giving her a whole huge lecture on why the whole thing was ridiculous, which at least inspired her to email our HR person and say that she'd prefer not to lose her team member. It's such crap. Back your people up. If the HR person hadn't been working from home that day, I was going to go confront her about it myself. But they ended up keeping her, so it's all okay.
Oh, and I finally kicked out someone I know. The insane secretary from my old job, that grabbed my ass a couple of times. I was really cranky the day that her judgment was due to get sent, so I actually pulled it off someone else's list so I could do it. Apparently, I just get more and more heartless.
Also on the inappropriate at work front, I had a whole email conversation about buying roofies to drug a friend of mine so she could finally have sex with her husband. Not in the "Haha, wouldn't that hypothetically be funny?" sense, but more in the "So, do you know somebody? How much would that go for?" sense. This is why I don't think people should get fired for jokingly wanting to make out. I'm AT LEAST that inappropriate, in writing, on a daily basis. But for whatever reason, they like me. Or at least, if I get upset about a boy and have a pretty princess dress-up week, people notice and start panicking that I'm interviewing elsewhere, and HR emails my boss to sternly remind her that I need more to keep me happy. It's nice that people notice, but I wish somebody would actually give me something interesting to do (or, if, after a couple months of my pushing, they finally give me the reports they both give me time to work on them and don't let somebody who's "helping" immediately take them back over, after failing to do work on them in the preceding few months when she was supposed to. Not bitter.)
I got carried out of a club on Friday. Not because I was drunk. I definitely was quite sober. But the dance floor was packed and tiny (bad combo), full of overly drunk people (worse combo), and I had at least a good six drinks spilled on me by people who didn't even apologize (homicidal rage inducing combo). So I finally told my friend that I needed to leave before I started a bar fight. For whatever reason, he scooped me up and carried me out Bodyguard-style, either to have me semi-pinned so I wouldn't take someone down on my way out, or just to make me laugh and take the rage down a notch that way. Either way, it worked reasonably well, I suppose.
I saw Ocean's Thirteen yesterday. The biggest thing I took home from that movie? An insane desire to have the most craptastic MIDI ringtone I could find. I REALLY wanted Pussy Control by Prince, but my phone is old and persnickety, plus I don't trust those ringtone sites all over the internet. So no luck there. Potential backups I also couldn't find - Get Your Freak On by Missy Elliott, Stars Are Blind by Paris Hilton (ooo, syncs with current events, too!), and..crap, I forget what else. But I spent a good chunk of the evening browsing terrible songs, and generally cracking myself up. I go Miserlou from Pulp Fiction, and the Oompa Loompa song, Don Cha by the Pussycat Dolls, Bittersweet Symphony (which I'm kind of regretting by comparison), and my current ringtone is...that freaky whistle thing from Kill Bill! Yay! I was going to get Barbie Girl or something, but I think I would have had to punch myself for that. There's purposely bad for humor value, and then there's just...ugh.
Anyway, fingers crossed that something a little more interesting happens in the near future.
Good interesting, not "I'm moving into a new place with my old roommate, and in a fit of insanity, singed a least on a house with one bathroom that is off one of the bedrooms, and have doomed myself to a year of walking in on my roommate having sex but at least I finally have the bigger bedroom and will be living downtown" interesting. Even though that's true too. Pray for me. I'd do worse in jail than Paris. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 10:37 pm | | Current Mood: | listless |
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| I keep mentally creating entries, which I then do not get around to actually writing and posting. I don't really feel like getting into a whole thing right now either, really. Just wanted to throw in a little "I'm alive".
I'm alive. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I feel mildly insane right now. Hopefully it's just from being overly tired, and not something that's going to stick around for awhile. I seem to be working up to a big crush on Steel. I haven't had a bout of serious guy paranoia in awhile, but I just had one. We didn't get a chance to hang out again before I left for Florida, though we talked on the phone a few times. He asked me to call him when I was back in town, and alluded to wanting to hang out then. I almost wasn't going to call tonight, because I kinda just want to sleep, but I'm house hunting tomorrow with Sarah and Erin, so I won't have much time then, and I didn't want to wait until Wednesday to call. So I call, and he didn't pick up. *gasp* Is he ignoring my calls? I drunk texted him on Friday, and he didn't respond then either! And we joked on the phone about me drunk texting him! Did he not want me to? I thought he liked me! Angst! I mentally slapped myself and reminded me that I drunk texted several other friends that night, none of whom answered, and I know they still like me. And I believe Steel said he plays hockey twice a week (Sam, jealous? ;] ), so today is as likely a day for that as any other. Ugh. I think it would be fun for me to actually like a guy again, since it's been forever. But I don't want the Crazy Obsessive Self-doubt sort of like. That's ick. Again, probably just need sleep.
Florida was fun. We went out to this club on Friday, and I got, as I described in one of the aforementioned texts, "drunkie drunk drunk!" Borderline belligerent drunk, even, though I think that may have been because Sarah's new boyfriend and his friends were all frat brothers, and therefore make me inclined to bicker with them. I also wanted very badly to nap on some random table, and argued with one of the guys that it would be totally unfair of the police to pick me up for public intoxication just because I was sleeping outside. Same guy kept calling me racist, for reasons I can't quite recall. To get in my "(admittedly minor) dose of "I'm a crazy magnet" for the night, some guy staggered up to me and told me that he was in love with me, because I'm perfect. I think it's just because I looked slightly more receptive to talking to strangers than Sarah did at the time, but I decided I would be flattered anyway. Saturday, we went shopping, and then met up with Sarah's boyfriend and his friends again to get dinner. Sarah had told me that the place where we'd been planning to go salsa dancing had turned ghetto, and she didn't think we should go, so we'd decided to go to some party her boyfriend was having instead. Um, the "party" was like five people getting together to watch boxing. I was starting to get sullen, because, um, salsa dancing > boxing, and I was started to get a little annoyed by Sarah spending so much time of our weekend together making out with her boyfriend. But she picked up on it, and we did end up going salsa dancing after all. You'd think I would get the memo by now, but I needed another reminder that Latin men are a little...intense. Sarah and I went with her friend Kara, who is a cute little blond Hawaiian Tropics model. So we had yet another blond/brunette/redhead trio, with Kara subbing in for roommate Sarah. There were bad Charlie's Angels jokes involved. I am Alex. Anyway, literally within 30 seconds of us hitting the dance floor, we were each scooped up by a random guy. I learned that I can't fake salsa dancing around people that actually know how to do it. It got a little weird, because the guy I was dancing with got an opened bottle of something from one of his friends, and was trying to get me to drink it. I refused, of course, but Sarah saw the whole thing, and came over and pulled me away. But the guy wouldn't leave me alone for forever after that. We kept moving to other spots on the dance floor, and Sarah and Kara were trying to keep people in between me and the guy, but he made his way over like eight times or something ridiculous. It was kind of funny, because I started dancing all aggressively to discourage him, and kept hitting him in the face with my hair, and throwing elbows and whatnot, and he still wasn't going away. We had to leave the dance floor a couple of times before he finally stopped coming back. I eventually danced with another guy who seemed much nicer, but they switched to 80's music (random!), and Sarah was getting tired and cranky, so we left. So...fun, but if I did it again, I'd try to have some basic idea of how to do it first, and probably bring some guys to rescue us, if need be. Sunday was fairly mellow. I got my very first pedicure. It looks pretty cute, but it was weird getting it done. The lady seriously made a pile of toe gunk on my foot, and I thought I was going to start gagging. As part of my temporary insanity for the day, I messaged 5, and let him talk me into sending him a picture of my feet. Bad Joy. Sunday afternoon, Sarah and I went to one of those Ripley's Believe It or Not things, so I could say that I've been to one. I learned that only 1 in 3 people can roll their tongues, and only 1 in 1000 can flip them over. I am 1 in 1000. Yay me!
My new airport game is to see how many employees I can get to make eye contact with me, and I get bonus points if they actually smile back at me. I always think flying will be exciting. I mean, you're around lots of people going on vacation! But people seem so incredibly cranky. Oh well.
I need to either unpack or go to bed. Gah! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| A) 5 has IMed me twice in the past two days. That one has a sensor of some sort that tells him when I'm moving on, and therefore he best reel me back in. So far, there hasn't been a breach of the hard candy shell, so my gooey center remains intact.
B) This girl I know seriously emailed me today, and said that she wanted to grow balls, just like me, so could I please give her the Man of Steel's number, so she can call him and ask him out, just like I did. Gee, I'm flattered you want my sloppy seconds, and granted my noncommittal response to people I work with is that the date was "good, but ended sort of weird". But still. Wouldn't you inquire as to the nature of the weirdness? Or wait more than 72 hours? Or confirm we're not going out again before trying to steal him? I emailed her back and told her I'm not done with him yet. I'd already come to the conclusion that Steel probably shouldn't get to my aforementioned gooey center either, but that doesn't mean he's kicked out of the rotation entirely, dammit!
C) I slapped my friend's husband today. He asked me for a hug, and used it as an excuse to grab my ass. All in front of his wife! She already thought that he called her by my name one morning. I'd hate for this to turn into some sort of escalated paranoia-type thing. I'm not going to lie though, it felt good to slap someone. So much though that I smacked the other side of his face, for balance.
I. Will. Not. Get. Sick. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I think somewhere along the line I've developed a mental safety valve. I was really upset yesterday, and tried calling a few people, none of whom answered. I was only able to sleep maybe four hours last night. Still kind of stressed this morning. And now, out of nowhere...calm. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I had the big date tonight. Dinner was great. After we ate, it started raining, and he went to get the car so I wouldn't have to get wet, and I used the alone time to start texting people that I really like him. That sort of great. After that...I don't know. Things were progressing faster than I'm particularly comfortable with, and just...strange. I don't know if I'm overreacting or gave off the wrong impression or misread him or what. And there's the weird line between "no" and "not right now". When he left, he said I should call him. I said that alternately, he could call me. He said I was shifting blame, and as a psych major, I should know all about that. And then he drove off.
On the one hand, I liked him, so maybe I should call, and on the other, that might be inviting trouble.
I hate how often I don't really know what I want. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Sometimes I just have to step back and look at my life with sort of bewildered amusement.
So I had an icky week or two. Not in the sense that anything really tragic happened, I just felt crappy and unstable. Hopefully it was mostly just girl-type hormonal issues that are clearing up, but it was nevertheless ick. Ick as in, one of the attorneys at work sort of blew me off when I went to ask her a question, and I had a very strong urge to just walk back to my desk and lop all my hair off, leave it all over the floor, and go back to work like nothing had happened. Honestly, in my head it was very funny, but I said something to Alexis, and she assured me that she would have to take me home if that happened. It would grow back. But yeah, usually when I'm fiending for a major haircut, and fantasizing hardcore about leaving the country, I'm not really in my happy place. I almost applied for a paralegal position in Gibraltar. For those of you who don't know (because I didn't), that's just south of Spain, and apparently they have monkeys running around the city, and they jump on you and smell like pee. But dude, monkeys are still hilarious. I would love to live in a place with monkeys!
Anyway, I went to dinner with a friend this past weekend. We were chatting, and I realized that, even though I wouldn't say I was really seeing anybody, I somehow have some sort of weirdness with something like ten guys. How does that happen? I think the one was trying to use my Eddie Izzard IM tagline to trick me into saying I love him (eep!), another involved a very awkward phone call wherein he told me about ten times that he would "totally fuck the shit out of me" (ew), another I think was trying to make me jealous by talking about how he was hanging out with his ex over the weekend (and was unsuccessful to the point that it didn't even occur to me that might be his intention, or that it was an asshole move, until a day or so later). I guess I'm not mad at 5 anymore. I thought about it, and it's possible that the "I know what you're doing" maneuver was some sort of attempt to protect me. I'm still not HAPPY about it, because it ignores the fact that 1) I'm a big girl, and entitled to make my own mistakes and 2) we never talked about it, and he didn't really have a basis to say that, if something happened, it would be against my wishes. But it's not worth being angry about, especially since it's the sort of thing that would probably never get resolved anyway. I think it's basically just that point where I realize I really liked him, and I feel really let down. Oh well.
And, on a (hopefully) much happier note, I'm totally pimping it this week. I apparently pulled off an appropriately smokin' Eva Longoria at the Desperate Housewives party, because one of Alexis's old friends apparently called her at least FIVE times to get my phone number. So we're going out dancing tomorrow. I didn't really feel like we had much to talk about at the party, but dancing doesn't have to involve talking, and you gotta respect someone putting that much effort into seeing you again. Or maybe that's how I end up dating so many guys with toothbrush and toe issues. Oh well.
And even better, I gave a grand display of girl cajones today by asking someone out! We had this guy at the firm today to demonstrate our new office chairs. (No, they're not that complicated. He admitted he wasn't sure why he'd been asked back for that, either.) Anyway, he was absolutely adorable. And he brought old school candy for us, like Charleston Chews and Necco Wafers and whatnot. So, I *heart* people with food anyway, and that was sort of fun and different. And then his presentation was just sort of silly and bewildered. And he blushed a few times. Seriously, only nice guys blush, and I just find it so endearing. So most of the girls at the firm were all giggly over him. And some people were teasing me that I should ask him out. I was going to write my phone number on one of his business cards (he helpfully pointed out that they were right by the bagels and candy), but he left before I could give it to him. My boss's friend's mother apparently works with him, so my boss said she'd try to get more info. People were teasing me about wasting the opportunity. I noticed his mobile number was on the card. I figure, at worst, he'd have a girlfriend or be gay or whatever, and say no, I'd be off the teasing hook, since I put forth the effort, and I could feel good about myself knowing that I made his day. Because seriously, if some virtual stranger calls you and asks you out, you're going to feel good about yourself, even if you think they're crazy. So I just called him, right there. I told him I'd just been in his chair presentation, and I had further questions, like whether it was ethical to ask out one's furniture salesman. He said he thought that would be okay. So we're going to dinner on Saturday. Squee! He just moved here from Michigan, and doesn't really know the area, so I'm picking the restaurant. Most of the phone call was great. Only I did it right at my desk, so everyone heard, and once they realized what was going on, they all went nuts. Like, attorneys running out of their offices to come stand by my desk. So I had to cut it off before I died of embarrassment. On the plus side, everyone was calling me a rock star and bowing before me all day. I sat in on an interview today, and afterward, my boss told the HR lady what I did. She seemed vaguely horrified at first, but when I explained exactly what I said, she said sh had to commend my bravery, and she wished me the best of luck. But she said I wasn't allowed to actually touch him, to avoid any legal issues. Damn. :)
So - does anyone know? Since I asked, should I pick up the check, or is that weird and emasculating? I suppose I can just wing it. I seem to be good at that. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Do you ever feel like the person that calls you is not necessarily the one that's trying to reach you? I am dealing with some low-grade but pervasive paranoia issues right now.
I've been a busy bee. Saw the un-attorney on Monday. There was tv watching, and blanket-sharing, and semi-cuddling, which led to tickling, which led to playful wrestling, which led to the fucker practically BITING MY GODDAMNED TOE OFF. I put my foot in his face, (not even touching it, just right up next to it, it was still covered in the blanket, I'd just showered, and he'd already been touching my feet all over to try to tickle them, so you can't really argue that he was freaked out by feet or something.) and he said that if I left my foot there, he was going to bite it. Naturally, I left it there. So he bit it. That might have even been okay, had it been sort of a playful bite. Oh no, he seriously chomped down on it, and stayed that way. I had to scream ow four times before he finally let go. Like, I seriously about punched him in the face to force him to stop. It left these huge teeth marks, even though he was biting through the blanket! I was pissed. And then, instead of just apologizing, we had a good awkward ten minutes of no talking. He emailed me the next day and said he was sorry, but we haven't really talked since, and I'm kind of just over the whole thing. A new asylum inmate will show up in my life within a week, there's really no reason to hold on to old ones.
I finished my state and federal taxes on Thursday. I tried doing city, but it was late, and either their website or my internet was having issues, and I finally got frustrated and went to bed. I tried to finish them on Friday, and then realized my stupid crappy ass city only gives you partial credit for taxes paid to other cities, even if they're withholding at a higher tax rate. So even though I only lived here for six months last year, and even though I already paid 2% out to Columbus city taxes, they want me to pay them $70. Basically, if you work in a city that withholds at a higher rate, they only give you credit for paying 1.5% in city taxes (even though I was already paying 2%), and then they only give you credit for 83.33% of THAT. I don't know why it got to me as much as it did, but I was furious. I called my dad to double check my math, and he said he'd never heard of anything like that, but it was in my best interests to pay the stupid stuff. Even though I seriously could only find one friend of mine that said they had EVER paid city taxes. I don't know. I'm paying the stupid thing, but I wrote "surprise bonus city taxes :(" on the memo line of the check, as my puerile form of protest. Now I'm doubting that I even did them right, and I think I might actually owe MORE. But whatever, the envelope is already sealed.
I went to West Virginia Friday night. Alexis used to go to this gay bar down there with her friends, when they were at Athens. So I went with them. A West Virginian gay bar is about as bad as it sounds. As is typical in my world, I attracted the crazy. The group I went with was all dancing together, and this scary toothless gay guy kept trying to dance with me. My friends, god love them, kept grabbing me and pulling me off to dance with whoever was farthest from Scary Toothless Guy. The message was not received. At some point he grabbed me, and point blank asked me to dance with him, managing to spit ALL OVER the right side of my face in the process. Brush your teeth, kids, they're apparently a key saliva buffer, and you don't want to lose them. We ended up going out on the patio. STG followed us. One of the girls made a big show of pretending to be my lesbian lover, and yelling at me for cheating on her with a blond, and badly stage-slapping me, etc. STG went back inside. We figured the point had finally been made. Oh no. He kept lurking, and as we were getting ready to leave (I had one arm in my coat), he grabbed me, hauled me back out on the dance floor and started trying to dance up on me AGAIN! As a special added bonus, he started singing along with the song, and I got spit-sprayed all over again. Jesus Christ, the whole point of straight girls going to gay bars is to AVOID creepy guys that won't leave you alone!
Last night was Alexis's Desperate Housewives party. I worked my inflated ego and went as Eva Longoria, so I got to wear a fun sassy red dress and be all bedroom hair and smokey eyes and fabulous shoes and a ridiculously large fake diamond ring. Not a whole lot of people showed up, but it was still a good time.
I ended up going home and drunk-texting NYC. I have barely been able to get that guy to talk to me for a good month. It was right around the same time as the whole incident with 5. Being me, I had some total conspiracy theories about the whole thing, but any of my friends I talked to said I was being overly paranoid, guys never talk about that sort of thing, no one involved should care, etc. Oh, but the Joy paranoia wins again. Supposedly two separate people (one of them being 5) told him that I'd said I was going to be visiting, so he was pissed because I was using him or causing work drama or whatever. So I'm pretty freaking annoyed about the whole thing. One, I'm pretty damn sure I never said anything to anyone outside the state of Ohio about me going to NYC, because it seemed like the sort of thing that would get misconstrued. Two, what business is it of theirs if I go visit a friend? Three, that rolls right back into my whole issue of their saying shit about me without ever saying anything to me. I think there's two potential sources of the leak, but they both involve pretty much spying on me, and either way, it seems pretty pointless and pathetic. As a special added bonus, I got the other side of a weird incident that happened awhile ago, and confirmation that I was lied to about it. It had always seemed strange to me, and I wondered at the time if people were being dishonest, but it wasn't anything worth the effort of lying about, so once it was over, I stopped thinking about it. So...it's a small thing, but it still does make him seem like a compulsive liar. I guess there's a silver lining though. 5 emailed me saying when his last day was going to be, and said that he would send me his new email address. He didn't say what it was, just that he was going to send it. Um, if you've already taken the trouble of writing that sentence, you may as well have just told me the new email. Anyway, so he never told me, and I figured, regardless of whether he did it on purpose or just didn't think of me, that was as good of a time as any to move on. So I started deleting old emails and whatnot. He ending up IMing me just a couple of days later, so I kind of waffled on the whole thing, and didn't finish. But now I'm in the middle of a full-scale purge. This has taken far too much for far too long. I'm done.
I love how the sun literally just came out from behind the clouds as I typed that. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I should probably make some sort of attempt at sleep, but I figured I should at least throw in some sort of "I'm alive" note. I have a bad habit of thinking of stuff that I want to write about, and then don't. Brief rundown: we're in the new building at work. It's nice, but has random problems, like more microwaves, that short out the power when they're being used, so currently only one of them works. Good times. One of the partners has made multiple references to me about dispensing drugs to the worker bees. Does this sort of thing happen to anyone else? I can't tell if he's trying to find someone he can buy illegal things from, wanting me to think he's cool, or attempting to determine who should be scheduled for a random drug test. Either way, slightly weird, especially because I don't usually talk to him.
Ummm...I ran into the Professor the other night when out with some friends. Slightly odd. I just ignored him, and we left, but then came back, and I thought he was gone, but then saw him right about the time the bar was closing. I decided to say hi, but he turned away right when I waved at him. I'm not really sure if he just happened to look away right then, or if he was ignoring me back, but either way, it was somewhat amusing. The same night, some random guy asked if Joy was my real name or my stripper name, and then gave me a dollar. I'm not sure what's up with my "random people give me money for no reason when I'm out' skill, but I think it needs to be cultivated.
Argentina boy is still asking when I'm going to visit him.
I thought that I found a good way to remain generally emotionally unavailable without having to feel deprived all the time, but I'm not sure it's going to pan out like it could have. I swear, sometimes I'm so like a guy. Only I still have a uterus and such.
I finally got the (former) attorney to ask me out. I honestly can't tell if I like him, or if I just want to "win" our odd little cat-and-mouse thing. He's cute and smart and good things of that nature, but we don't really talk, because we're too busy trying to get the other person to give up all their secrets first. It's not really my style. But there was Chinese food.
And finally, I won my customer service scuffle with Orbitz. So I get $50 off a flight at some point in the future, so I guess it was worth the $30 extra I spent on my flight to Florida. I'm visiting Sarah for Cinco de Mayo. WE are going to drink margaritas on the beach, and go salsa dancing with Latin men that make us feel dangerous but still safe. I'm pretty excited. Like, lose five pounds and do sit-ups and go tanning and buy a scandalous bikini excited.
All of this is good, because I had a random ick period a few weeks ago. I never really got al that bad, but I felt like I had the potential to...I'm blaming it on the combination of Sarah moving and PMS. Regardless, I'm glad it seems to have cleared up without any major issues.
Oh, and I started taking exotic dance classes. Teehee! | | comments: Leave a comment |
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